Pretty sure I may be neurodivergent but the worse part about it is how focused I get on pointless shit whenever not doing school/work. I keep planning Nyen shrine in free time but theres So little.... I should just wait for the next Ivory Seasons to see what gets posted on booth. But since nyen fits My Colors and ranfren Doesnt its Hard cause ranfren is So Yellow aaoughghhh.... yellow+orange doesnt match at allll..... might have to make a nyen solo shelf and then underneath my general rnfrn items?? damn.... my room is so small too.... I wanna make my own merch too! At least for myself, I don't think people would wanna pay for my art, but it'd be cool to make my own badges and stuff!!

Its kinda embarrassing how I have my Zappa shrine better planned than my ranfren/nyen one... Especially because I like both guilty gear zappa and his namesake, frank zappa! i can put all my zappa cds in the back and then the gg zappa merch in the front!! i cant wait for the merch to arrive, im so lucky to get those trading cards for such a low price! perks of liking such forgotten and ignored characters lolol

Brain Invader of the week

its so good it leaves the palms sweaty and pupils dilated

okay be normal be normal we are normal now yes yes. speedrunning my final exams and hw so i can finish knitting my 20cm nyen nui hat and draw!!!! i wanna do so much stuff!!!! but im cursed to have a job and!!!!! school!!!! nooooo!!!!! and then when i do hw i procrastinate and doomscroll lolol im getting slow with updates because i wanna add a lot of interactable thingies on here, firstly working on the crossword and add a buncha words! then maybe a digi pet! then who knows!! gotta draw more too... debating on opening art + carrd + website comissions idkkkkkkkkk i wanna put my skills to use

I genuinely feel like shit, like everything i've been hiding is resurfacing the way bodies used to rise up after being buried and everyone could smell the decay. I hate always being paranoid and idk if its cause im trying to have to courage to have public accounts again or what but it shouldnt even be that because i feel more paranoid over my friends than literal strangers. i feel like my friends only keep me around because they use me as some sorta comparison like "oh hahaha at least im not a loser like her" and im so sick of it im so sick of people only coming to me to vent or only ocming to me when intoxicated its 3 people now who do this to me and im so fucking sick of it. why cant you love me sober? yall arnt even friends w each other this is like talking to the same person as 3 clones now i dont even know. at this point all i really have IS nyen and not in some clingy yandere wannabe way but as in hes the only thing that brings me comfort but even then i keep sabotaging it for myself cause my brain keeps going "he would be sooooo annoyed by you lol youre worser than hitchb" like SHUT UPPPPP BRAINNNNN i just keep sleeping i woke up at 2pm today and now i dont sleep until 6am usually cause ive started only going online when everyone else is out idk i just fucking hate myself and how i've grown to be like this. i'm a grown adult now, but ive set myself up for failure and total alienation from all the other humans in the world. i am incapable of love or being loved and i just have to deal with that for the rest of my life because i'll always be seen as some shit stain on a carpet or a nuisance.

My silly big baby is here <3 He is so cute <3